Divine Self!

Somebody Fix My Life Now!

Dr. Annette — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 17:03:13 +0000

On our path into a personally happy, fulfilling life, we move through various stages of personal evolution. At first, we generally live a day-to-day existence stuck in the movie of our life without realizing that we have any choice about the matter. We accept the circumstances of how we live tolerating whatever comes along.

In this unaware state, we are typically caught up in our own internal dramas and struggles, reacting to situations while on autopilot. Unknown thoughts, beliefs, and fears automatically determine our course of action. We exist in the world with robotic reactions, unable to change things that we are not aware of.

Awakening Self-Awareness

Then we gradually wake up to a new self-awareness. We can actually “see” ourselves in the movie of our own life. We can see that we’ve been living a life that doesn’t feel authentic, or happy, or even fulfilling. Our eyes are now open to seeing ourselves doing what we think we should be doing to get by, yet feeling lost, empty, and maybe even depressed.

Self-awareness is a perception that you exist, separate from other people. It is an awareness of what you are feeling, how you are behaving, and what personal beliefs and fears rule your world. Self-awareness is information about you. It is hearing the language that your body is speaking to you, feeling your true feelings, and knowing that you have an inner intuition or knowingness about things. From this awareness evolves clarity about who you are, what you want, and why you want it.

Somebody Fix Me

As self-awareness awakens, we initially believe that we don’t have the ability to choose differently. For example, if you feel unhappy and unfulfilled in your current job situation, you may tell yourself, “I have spent so many years studying for this career, I can’t possibly leave it now.” Or, “My family has such monetary expectations for me, I should fulfill those responsibilities whether I like it or not.” Or, “I’m trapped in this awful job (life, depression, addiction, situation, etc.) and there is nothing I can do about it.”

In other words, you now have self-awareness about your feelings and desires, but you don’t yet believe that you have a choice in the matter. Of course, as self-awareness unfolds we naturally feel compelled to take action to “fix” the problem or “get over” our internal challenge.

In this stage our evolution, we seek answers about how to create a different life. We want good, solid solutions and we turn to the experts to create the life we want. We look to therapists, religious counselors, friends, parents, self-help books, and alternative healers to help us. And indeed, every person, book, and insightful advice does provide important new perspectives and insights about who we are and how we can do things differently.

Yet ultimately, all pathways lead to one inevitable conclusion… Self-responsibility.

Oh No… I’m Responsible For My Own Happiness

Self-responsibility is a realization that you are responsible for the experience that you are having, and you are responsible for creating the experience and feelings you want to be having.

Self-responsibility is knowing the truth that you always have a choice in your life. Not only must you make decisions about where you want to go in life, but you must also trust your instincts and allow yourself to take supportive action. This means gaining the ability to say “no” to choices, emotions, and fears that stop you from moving toward your new direction, and “yes” to behaviors that bring more of what you most want.

Self-responsibility involves the creative spark of independence and self-determination. It is your unwavering purposefulness, conviction, and resolve to live a life beyond the confines of should’s, have-to’s, and feeling trapped. Suddenly, you can observe and choose how, or even if, you will act.

The Grandness of YOU

Self-awareness is when you realize life’s infinite choices. Self-responsibility is when you realize that you are the person in charge of making the choices that most align with your heart’s passions. At first glance, it is inconceivable to imagine that you can gain mastery over your core beliefs, emotions, and fears. However, whether you are aware or not - you are always the creator of your own life! Self-responsibility is your conscious realization that only you can set yourself free to live a life beyond your wildest dreams.

About the Author: Want to learn more about how to live consciously, love deeply, and laugh often? Come along with Dr. Annette Colby and learn the secrets to creating the life you’ve always wanted to live! Subscribe to her blog Divine Self! today.

Smell Your Way To A Happier Life

Dr. Annette — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 17:56:46 +0000

Anxiety, stress, and depression drive thousands of people to take powerful medications that all too often come with serious unwanted health risks. Now many people are looking to alternative natural remedies to avoid adverse side effects. But can something as gentle as your sense of smell match the potency of modern medicine?

Is it possible to sniff yourself into a happier life? Can particular scents comfort and calm you? Are certain aromas capable of decreasing depression, reducing emotional pain, or easing away stress?

Surprisingly, the answer is yes. Smell plays an important role in mental and physical health, emotion, and relationships.

In general we don’t think to much about our sense of smell. It’s something that is taken for granted. In fact, when people are asked which of their five senses they would be prepared to do without if necessary, smell most often comes out at the top of that list.

While we may not pay much attention to our sense of smell, it is the sense most closely tied to mental health and happiness. Smell brings richness and depth to life, increasing the quality every moment.

Your sense of smell serves and uplifts by:

Warning you of danger
Triggering memories
Providing comfort and relaxation
Providing about 75 percent of your ability to taste
Bringing feelings of security and well-being
Reducing stress and promoting relaxation
Altering and influencing moods and behavior

Helen Keller stated, “Smell is a potent wizard that transports you across thousands of miles and all the years you have lived.”

How to Use Smell to Improve the Quality of Life

Smells really can help reduce your stress and melt tension away. To start enjoying the benefits of smell therapy, try one of these easy tips.

Frankincense Incense

For thousands of years, burning incense has been used in religious ceremonies across the world to bring harmony and peace to the mind, body, and soul. Now, researchers (ScienceDaily May, 2008) suggest that burning frankincense can act on the brain to alleviate anxiety or depression. Frankincense comes from the sap of the Boswellia tree and is available in incense form at many whole food stores and online shops.

Stop And Smell The Roses

When you’re feeling anxious or stressed, a bunch of flowers can provide a quick mood lift. Not only do pretty flowers make you feel better, but inhaling their scent allows you breathe deeply through your nose. Deep, conscious nasal in-breathing provides adequate oxygen to enter the body and the correct amount of waste gasses to exit the body. This proper ratio of flow prevents the release of high levels of adrenaline and the resulting stress. Breathing through your nose relaxes the body by unravelling tension and stress, and keeps the body invigorated. Breathing deeply can help lift that black stress cloud off your shoulders and give you room to see things from a new perspective.

Soothe Your Senses With Lavender

The fragrant oil in lavender’s small, blue-violet flowers is often used in baths to help purify the body and spirit. It is also considered a natural remedy for insomnia, anxiety, depression, and stress. Aromatherapy with lavender produces calming, soothing, and sedative effects. When you’re needing to relax and slow down the activity of your nervous system, lavender aromatherapy baths, lavender infused lotions, or massage with lavender oils may result in reduced anxiety and improved relaxation.

Invigorating Rosemary

Need an invigorating boost to uplift your mood? Try smelling the fresh scent of rosemary. Rosemary is derived from an evergreen shrub and emits a fresh, camphor-like scent that can stimulate the brain, improve mental clarity and alertness, and lift mood. In aromatherapy, rosemary oil can be used in burners, potpouri, or in sachets. For a natural Green Earth, hands on approach, grow rosemary in your garden and pluck a fresh twig whenever you need a boost.

Plain Vanilla

Vanilla has also found widespread use in aromatherapy, for being soothing to the nervous system and mind In a study conducted at Manhattan’s Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, the scent of heliotropin, a sweet vanilla-like scent, was shown to help reduce stress due to claustrophobia 63% during MRI scans.

Scents, fragrances, and aromatherapy alone will not cure your sickness, conquer depression, or make your insomnia miraculously vanish. However, there is a wealth of research published in scientific journals to show that when you’re depressed, feeling stressed, anxious, of fighting the blues, increasing your olfactory pleasure can strongly and quickly lift your mood, you’re your pain, and help reduce stress levels. Take action on any or all of these tips and help lift your mood today.

Let us know about your favorite aromatherapy suggestions. We’d love to hear from you!

Free Yourself From Guilt

Dr. Annette — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 18:11:38 +0000

Guilt is a psychologically difficult emotional reaction felt when people believe they have done something wrong. One type of guilt occurs when a personal action, thought, or behavior is truly out of alignment with individual core values. This guilt stems from going against our own conscience. In this case, guilt can be an uncomfortable but beneficial catalyst to change our behavior into more personally meaningful directions.

A second type of guilt occurs when we feel guilty for situations we did not cause or have no control over. In this case, guilt stems from an underlying feeling of unworthiness, or a conditioned belief that other people’s needs and wants should come before our own. This second type of guilt involves a false sense of responsibility to someone other than ourselves.

In either situation, guilt is a strange, painful feel often involving self-reproach resulting from a belief that you have done something wrong. Your initial reflex to guilt may involve a knee-jerk reaction designed to rid yourself of discomfort as quickly as possible. For instance, you may attempt to squash the feeling down with food, busyness, distraction, or dissociation. Another impulse may be to jump instantly into action to right a wrong that you believe you have committed.

Those types of automatic reactions may bring rapid short-term relief, but they do not bring lasting, soul-liberating feelings of free will, sovereignty, and self-loving independence. That’s because when we stop and look at the underlying feelings beneath guilt, we notice it’s a form of helplessness. You believe you “should” be doing something other than your current actions but you don’t really have a choice to do otherwise, or you “should” do something other than what you really want to be doing.

Although guilt is horribly uncomfortable, the longer you put off facing guilt the worse you feel. Remember, as you release the feelings of guilt, you free yourself into a life of joyful self-determination and authentic self-love. Follow the steps below and learn how to release guilt and be “at choice” in your own life.

1. Acknowledge What You Feel

Take a breath and feel your guilt. Do you feel a tightening in the pit of your gut? A restriction in your chest? A painful clutching in your solar plexus? A queasiness? An uneasiness? These body sensations indicate where you hold the feelings of guilt. As you continue to breath, these stuck feelings can begin to release themselves and flow. Rather than pushing everything back down, ask your body to show you how it would like to breathe and allow those uncomfortable guilty feelings to rise out of your body and into your awareness.

2. Gain Awareness

As guilt begins its ascent up and out of your body, be aware of what you are experiencing. What are your emotions, what are thinking, and what do you believe about this entire situation. By learning how to be a witness to your experience, you gain wisdom without getting stuck inside of those thoughts and beliefs. Be curious about what’s going on inside of you and notice everything you can about your particular guilt. For example you may notice:

How is guilt supposed to help me?

Why do I feel guilty in this situation?

What do I hope to accomplish by feeling guilty?

Does feeling guilt help me accomplish what I want?

What do I gain by feeling guilty?

What does guilt cost me?

How does guilt hold me back?

How does guilt affect those around me?

In other words, feel into your guilt and explore the experience of your guilt as much as possible.

3. Imagine New Possibilities
When you feel finished exploring your guilt, or perhaps when you’ve gained insight about your feelings, take positive action to consciously create the type of feelings you want to be carrying. You can do this by breathing slowly and deeply into your body, and imagining how your life would be different if it were free from guilt. Follow your heart and wander down the path of a guilt-free life. How would your life be different? How would you relate to those around you? What sort of energy would you give off? Enjoy the feelings of independent, joyful, happy life. Breathe and expand the good feelings as you open your heart to receive what you have imagined.

4. Deliberate, Conscious Decisions
Your ability to choose direct, conscious decisions is the next key step toward a guilt-free life. You have established the underlying intentions of your guilt. You have imagined a life without guilt. Now is the time to make new choices that align with who you really are inside your core. What is the action that feels good in your heart, and that resonates with your true feelings? Although it may feel foreign and shaky, consciously choose that self-loving action and follow through. Stand tall. Believe in yourself. Your personal joy matters to you and it matters to the world. Enjoy your ability to be maturely responsible for your own loving life and actions.

Overcoming guilt is not something that happens overnight. Yet, with practice, it’s possible to lead a life that is free from guilt. If you find yourself feeling guilty again, remind yourself of your decision to think and behave differently. Continue to practice the four steps above and keep on going in the knowledge that your effort is worth it!

Author Resource: Want to learn more about how to live consciously, love deeply, and laugh often? Come along with Annette Colby and learn the secrets to creating the life you’ve always wanted to live! Subscribe to her blog Divine Self! today.

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now? Help me, I’m Stuck

Dr. Annette — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 16:39:50 +0000

Have you ever had the experience of being acutely aware of a personal problem or challenge – and awakened to the realization that change is a possibility? You comprehend that you could take action to create change… but you’re not exactly sure if you want to. You’re weighing the pros and cons, justifying that the situation just isn’t that bad. Or, maybe you don’t believe you are actually capable of changing it.

Welcome to the contemplation stage of change.

Contemplation and Rumination

Making major changes such as losing weight, quitting smoking, or altering your lifestyle is no easy undertaking. In an effort to help people create lasting change, James Prochaska*, author of “Changing For Good”, describes that permanent change involves moving through an important first step that he calls the Contemplation Stage of Change.

Contemplation is sort of like sitting on the fence of, “I’m not happy, but I’m not sure what to do.” There’s a sense of wanting a change things, but there’s also uncertainty and indecision. People in the contemplation stage are aware of a problem, but they are also undecided about whether or not they want to do anything.

The word contemplation itself comes from con meaning “to examine carefully,” and templar, referring to a period of time. Contemplation is a period of time when you allow yourself the grace to examine your situation and be undecided for a period of time. In the contemplation stage, no decision has been made and there is no commitment to move forward. However, contemplation is an important foundational layer of success if you know how to use it correctly.

Useful Exploration During Contemplation

If you’ve been considering changing a habit, this is the perfect time to allow yourself to explore situation. The contemplation phase can be very helpful when used correctly. Here are some positive ways of assessing your readiness to move into a life change:

Attempt to understand the problem and why you have it
Become clear on your own personal reasons for wanting change
Consider the pros and cons of change vs. no change
Explore how your problem conflicts with your core values (i.e. you’re an honest person, but drink or binge eat secretly)
Wonder about possible solutions
Look at the positive future gains that change will bring
Imagine all the wonderful potentials of life without the problem
Consider various plans about taking action sometime in the future

Analysis Paralysis

The Contemplation Stage of Change is an important stage to go through on the way to achieving success. Yet it is common to get seriously stuck here - sometimes for years. Some people remain stuck in procrastination and contemplation for the rest of their lives. Even though change is wanted, it’s also opposed by a natural resistance to change.

Reasons for getting stuck in the Contemplation Stage include:

continuing to think about the problem when the urge for action is felt
searching endlessly for absolute certainty about what caused the problem
waiting for the right time to change
waiting for fear or anxiety to vanish before moving forward
wishful thinking, “I wish this problem would just go away by itself.”
wanting guarantees of the outcome ahead of time

Moving Into Action

If you’ve been contemplating, procrastinating, and dragging your feet but now you’re ready to move forward, then below are three innovative strategies to move past stuck and into action:

1. What’s The Easiest Way to Eat an Elephant?

The easiest way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. Sometimes it is difficult to begin taking action because you are overwhelmed by the enormity of what lies before you. Your goal looks HUGE . . . so daunting and complex that you freeze up. It helps to break down your goal into manageable bite-sized pieces.

2. Talk it Out

Sit down with someone and verbalize the problem to yourself and others. It helps to get your thoughts and fears out into the open. Instead of keeping those thoughts trapped in your brain, you can get them outside of yourself and see them from a new perspective.

What is the problem?
What you have done?
What are you not been doing
What are the obstacles to moving forward?
Are the blocks internal or external?
Where you are stuck?

Once you’ve talked things out, brainstorm. Think of different approaches to the problem, no matter how strange.

3. Take Risks

Start taking little risks in your everyday activities. This might be just what you need to jump start yourself into action. Do something you’ve never done before. Be willing to take a risk at doing something new and unfamiliar. Roller blade, try your hand at archery, or sign up for an indoor rock climbing session. Take a painting class at your local community college. Rearrange your living room furniture. Dye your hair a completely different color. Drive home a new way. Eat supper with the opposite hand. Smile at strangers. Eat something you can’t pronounce. Upset the norm somehow and you just may find yourself able to move forward on the challenge that is most important to you.

Taking contemplation time to sort through your thoughts and feelings allows you to reach the next stage, which is… Action! So, when the moment arises that you feel called into action, allow yourself the love to follow through.

* Prochaska, James; Norcross, John; DiClemente, Carlo. Changing For Good: A Revolutionary Six-Stage Program For Overcoming Bad Habits and Moving Your Life Positively Forward. Collins Living, 1995.

Author Resource: Want to learn more about how to live consciously, love deeply, and laugh often? Come along with Annette Colby and learn the secrets to creating the life you’ve always wanted to live! Subscribe to her blog Divine Self! today.

Confidence To Love Your Life

Dr. Annette — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 19:58:11 +0000

How to Feel Proud and Self-Trusting as You Embrace Your Dreams and Achieve Your Goals

Wouldn’t you just love to know how to awaken a renewed passion and brilliant determination to move forward on your dreams… without becoming impatient before achieving success, and wanting to give up just a moment too soon?

If you’ve ever caught yourself making any of the following comments, then you’ll want to keep reading.

“I know what I need to do to have a better life, and that is what I want to do. But I don’t have the motivation to follow my dreams.”

“I want to try new things, but I’m afraid of taking risks, making mistakes, and experiencing failure.”

“I’m hard on myself because when I do make a decision to move forward, I don’t trust that my decision was the best one for the situation.”

“I feel insecure about my own abilities, and find it difficult to make decisions about what’s most important to me and my life.”

“I don’t like myself.”

Low self confidence, in all its forms and disguises, is the biggest obstacle standing between you and your dreams. Low confidence can lead to procrastination, it can paralyze you, it causes you to hide, it keeps you living a small life, and it can prevent you from making important personal decisions and taking action.

Needless to say, the feeling of not being able to feel secure in your own abilities, or move forward on the decisions and dreams that matter most to you feels terrible! And it all stems from not having enough self confidence.

Overcoming self-doubt is possible. Here are 4 ways to help you overcome your low self confidence and trust yourself to make decisions:

Contemplate Risk

Take some time and contemplate the risk you are considering taking. Ask yourself some important soul searching questions. Explore the real reasons behind the goal you want to achieve, or dream you want to bring to life. Examine what feelings you most want to feel, or what personal strengths (trust, self-love, optimism, freedom, energy, etc.) you wish to expand. Here are several questions that can help uncover your true reasons for wanting change:

What would you gain from taking a risk to move forward?
What is frightening about it?
What’s the worst thing that could happen if it turned out badly?
If the worst thing happened, what would you do?
What is the first step you would take?

Imagine The Best That Could Happen

Imagine the best possible outcomes! As you imagine yourself already having what you most want, notice how you feel in this new life. What’s exciting about it? What’s different about you?

Recently, I visualized myself standing in a new garden. The soil was fresh, tilled, dark, and fertile. In this soil, I began to plant my life. I released all need to struggle and instead focused on living the best possible outcome. I didn’t’ need to have all the details of exactly what my “best” possible outcome was, or all the details of how I was going to make it happen. I just planted myself in the fertile soil, along with the possibility of me already living my highest potential. Imagination allows you to place focus on what you want for yourself. You can’t create in someone else’s world, but through imagination you can begin the process of consciously creating a new way of feeling and living in your own life.

Tune Out Negative Mental Commentary

Carefully disregard negative remarks coming from your own mind. There’s no need to attempt to stop thinking negative thoughts. Instead, just learn to let them flow without getting attached to them. You could say, “Look, there’s another dark thought. I’ll pretend it’s a horrible cockroach. Instead of going to pick it up and play with that disgusting entity, I believe I’ll just let it crawl out of my home.” Then, take a deep breath, and fill yourself with not with affirmations, but with the feelings of peace, joy, inspiration, love, and hope.

Examine Your Excuses

Take out a piece of paper and write down a list of your fears. Explore your doubt, examine your fear, and look at the areas in your life where they get the upper hand. Write down your reasons for not pursuing a personal challenge or moving forward on something important to you. Then, decide to say “Good Bye!” Write a goodbye letter to your doubt, then bury it, burn it, or release it in some other creative way.

Build Self-Esteem

Build confidence by taking a small step in the direction of your dreams. You can put doubt in it’s place when you take action on the activities and goals that are most important to you. With each step, keep reminding yourself that you are valuable, that you have worth, and that your life matters.

Want to awaken new self-confidence and gain more self-trust? Check out the NEW Audio CD Confidence To Love Your Life by Dr. Annette Colby to learn how to be more confident and start living the dream life you’ve always wanted. www.AnnetteColby.com

4 Powerful Ways to Regain Self-Confidence Despite Challenges

Dr. Annette — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 17:44:55 +0000

“The way to develop confidence is to do the thing you fear.” ~William Jennings Bryan

I understand how easy it can be to get frustrated when we move forward on our dreams and goals. Because no matter how exciting everything seems at the beginning of new adventure… things take as long as they take, exacerbating obstacles arise, and aggravating challenges happen. Sometimes it seems as if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong.

With all this going on, it’s not uncommon to become impatient before achieving success, and wanting to give up just a moment too soon. Who hasn’t felt self-doubt and stress when things just don’t seem to be coming together?

Self-confidence can often be at a low-low place when we are in the midst of making important changes. The question becomes how you learn to trust yourself to continue moving forward even when things aren’t going as effortlessly as anticipated? Below are four powerful ways to regain confidence when it looks like you’ve almost lost it altogether.

Breathe and Release Stress Levels
Stress = self-doubt. It’s a myth that stress or worry is the best way to move through difficult situations. Stress happens when we believe that we do not have the time, experiences, or resources to deal with a challenge or situation. Feeling pressured and anxious about a perceived unsolvable or impossible situation, our bodies release adrenaline and gear up for a fight or flight response to handle the immediate danger. Stress equal self-doubt because it takes you into an internal perception that your only two alternatives are to fight the problem or run away from it.

Taking a few minutes of alone time to breathe and calm down helps bring new perspective that while the situation at hand may be undesirable, it is not a life or death situation. With relaxation comes a new ability to be at ease with yourself. And with ease comes the ability to tap into inner resources, grasp valuable insights, and find new innovative, creative solutions.

Be With Your Own Feelings
Taking time alone creates space to relax, clear out the world, and be with no one else’s feelings but your own. By stepping away from all the outside noise and busyness, you allow new opportunity to clear confusion and sort out your emotions and feelings. Once your head is clear, you can simply take a deep breath, and ask, “What is it I need to know about this situation?” or, “What will move me one step closer to what I most want?” Then be willing to trust that yourself and open to receiving the quiet guidance of your own creative spirit.

Open to New Possibilities
Your goal or pursuit may currently be wildly frustrating, but remember that your dream is important. Just because you’ve hit a few snags doesn’t mean it’s time to throw in the towel. To bring back your enthusiasm and confidence, try this experiment. When something is troubling you, just sit with it. Don’t do anything to logically fix or solve the problem. Instead, just sit, place your intention on allowing the best possible outcome, and breathe. Momentarily step away from the negative thoughts circling with frenzy within your head. Welcome your creative self to offer new insights and potential solutions to your situation. Your job is to stop fretting and stressing with the problem, and instead place your focus on being open to amazing new possibilities. Insights and creative solutions may not be apparent in the exact moment. Instead, be receptive and open for creativity to show itself however it wants and whenever it’s ready.

Slow Down and Soften Up
Confidence increases as we realize our ability to be inventive and full of resourcefulness. By tapping into our inner creativity, we can become aware of solutions we hadn’t considered before. When you have a challenge or an issue you want resolved, learn to slow down and let down your defenses. Relax, let go of your stress, and breathe. Slowing down and softening your body allows your creative insight to make new connections, see things from a new perspective, and notice things you hadn’t noticed before.

Of course, we all want to know the exact route to reach our destination, and plan things perfectly so we move forward with no unexpected surprises. But odds are that every worthwhile journey leads down some major unexpected side roads. We may even get lost along the way.

Confidence is not about leaving point A and arriving at point Z in perfect, non-eventful fashion. Instead, confidence is discovering that you can trust yourself. You do know the general direction you are heading toward. You do when you are off course. And you can trust yourself to allow your imagination and positive actions to point yourself back in the right direction. Follow the four steps above and watch your confidence grow as you regain trust in your own ability to step forward - one step at a time - into your dream.

Surviving Loneliness

Dr. Annette — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 19:00:59 +0000

Being alone in life is one of those experiences – if we can survive – that can bring us into the core of our very being, knowing and loving ourselves better than we ever have before.

After experiencing divorce several years ago, I found myself living alone for the first time in over 20 years. Quite to my surprise, it was astonishing how difficult this transitional period was. My mind told me that this was a new beginning, a renewal, and a time to recreate my life. However, my heart was not yet rejoicing at the prospect of starting a new life.

Everyday opened a Pandora’s box of moods including guilt, relief, fear, sharp emptiness, loneliness, boredom, and depression. After all the hard work of ending a marriage, I was unprepared for the equally hard work of gaining a renewed and redefined sense of who I was, what I enjoyed, and what I was capable of doing.

A Warm Body Is Not the Answer

After what seemed a “reasonable” amount of time, I logically decided it was time to begin dating again. It seemed a good idea. (Yeah, I’m amused now at my retrospective insight.) I reasoned that with another person in the picture, the fear, sadness, and loneliness would disappear. However, as we all know, grabbing onto the first warm body that comes along is nothing more than a temporary band-aid solution at best. After a few comically odd dates, and several ill-fated relationships, I came to my own conclusion that happiness is not found in another person.

Epiphany! It was time to take charge of my relationships – and my first priority was to regain trust and peace within myself. No emotional involvements with another person before reaching a clear center within myself. I made a decision to be alone until I had fully adapted to my new situation with renewed self-confidence. I would find a way to come into acceptance and harmony of who I was as an “alone” person.

Coping With Loneliness

My time alone wasn’t all smooth sailing. I felt everything most divorced people feel – a new lack of self-confidence, an uncertain view of my life’s choices, and an emotional and physical exhaustion beyond description. Who was I, where was I going with my life, did I even care to move forward?

I cried often and expressed my feelings in a journal. Mostly, I couldn’t find any meaningful, creative activity in which I felt alive. Not knowing what else to do with myself, I took many long lonely walks. In the mornings, I would rise before the dawn and sit with the rising sun. In the evenings, I would take myself for extended walks through the various parks and trees. At night, I would sit alone in my favorite secluded spot by a creek where no one would see me.

Those times were agonizingly lonely. Yet, as I reflect, this was an important time to allow the hopelessness and loneliness to fall away before I could begin living again with joy passion and purpose.

The Beauty of Life

Despite the sharp loneliness, there was such exquisite beauty in the air, in the stillness, in the water, and in the Earth herself. Being alone, quiet, and outside for so long allowed a secret peek into the often hidden side of life.

One evening as the sun left the sky, I found myself sitting silently on the bank of a creek. Quite suddenly, two bright green parakeets caught my eye. I felt elated, like a two-year old seeing something new and amazing for the very first time. These two parakeets were obviously either released or escaped after being pets. Yet here they were, miles away from the comfort and safety of their caged homes, living out in the wild. They were alive, colorful, noisy, and happy. Somehow, they had not only survived the outdoor city life, but they had also thrived and found happiness. If tropical parrots could somehow survive life, then surely I could find my way also.

On yet another long summer evening, a full-sized Texas storm began to gather. It was one of those rare intense tornado-potential storms, oppressive and looming, pregnant and imminent, foreboding with heavy impending doom. Irresistible and inviting, I ran out to sit sheltered beneath a clump of old trees lining a creek.

My mind could hear the warnings of parents and sensible people, but my soul promised to keep me safe. Clutching my sweater tightly to keep myself warm and loved, breathing in deep gasps of moisture-laden wind, I sat beneath ominous green clouds. Wind howled and the lightening crashed overhead.

In the midst of this wicked storm, my agony unleashed itself. Grief and suffering erupted from my body and I thought my agony would never end. And then, at my very lowest point, a giant owl swooped from the sky, landing heavily on a tree branch two feet above my head. Our eyes met, for one brief glance. In that moment, in the middle of a dangerous storm, with an owl perched above my head, I knew I was safe. I knew I was going to be okay. My life began once again.

4 Powerful Ways to Boost Motivation When You’d Rather Quit

Dr. Annette — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 17:35:16 +0000

Motivation is a mysterious process. It involves the ability to link a desire to begin a new adventure with the energy needed to take the first step. Then it involves the ability to keep the flames of determination kindled throughout the entire journey.

Maintaining motivation doesn’t mean that every moment of the journey from start to finish is exciting. It’s common to find yourself…

Lacking motivation to continue forward with your goal
Bored with the everyday responsibilities required to achieve success
Tired and dulled by the unanticipated length of time it is taking to achieve your goal
Sluggish, uninspired, and overwhelmed to complete the job

How do you regain that inner spark to continue moving forward even when the required tasks are difficult, tedious, or tiresome?

Below are four practical strategies to overcome feeling lethargic, bored stiff, or distracted and regain the necessary motivational juice needed to focus on achieving success.

1. Take Ten

Feeling tired and unmotivated? Give yourself a ten-minute energy break by moving your body. Light exercise fights fatigue and boosts energy. Often, when we’re feeling lethargic, exercise is the last thing we want to do. But if you’ve been inactive, sitting all day, or solely focused on your goal, a little activity will provide renewed spark. Movement will enhance your blood flow, bringing more oxygen to your body which will increase your energy. Exercise also enhances the endorphins that make you feel great and help you relieve stress. Next time you’re feeling sluggishly unmotivated, go for a brisk walk in the fresh air, get on your treadmill, or just do some jumping jacks. Often, a little bit of movement can leave you revived, refreshed, and ready to refocus on your most important goals.

2. The Reward System

What enhances motivation? Being able to focus on success and acknowledge success leads to more success. Make sure to acknowledge and reward all your positive behaviors and efforts soon after you notice them. Without recognition and reward, it is easy to become frustrated and even cynical about your ability to effectively reach your goal. Find rewards that ignite an inner sense of satisfaction, enthusiasm, competence, and empowerment. Then use that positive energy to keep going!

3. Surround yourself with Support

Motivation comes from within – but often books, tapes, CD’s, and accomplished people can help uncover factors that are holding you back. When you’re feeling bored and uninspired, the right message at the right time can help boost your motivation momentum. However, don’t spend all your time learning. As soon as you notice your motivational energy is flowing again, shift your attention back to your goal and take the right action for the amount of energy that is present.

4. Manage Stress

It’s a common myth that fear is a great motivator. While it is true worry, self-criticism, yelling at yourself, or pushing yourself to succeed can get you started on your journey, it is also true that fear is only useful in the short term. Over the long haul, those behaviors generate stress. Stress creates confusion, a feeling of a lack of control, a loss of focus, and feelings of overwhelm. Excess stress exhausts your mind and body, and it’s difficult to have high levels of motivation if you’re exhausted. The bottom line – stress works against motivation. To beat stress get enough rest, drink plenty of water all day long, take breathing breaks, and get some physical activity.

If your goals have turned dull and monotonous, used these four powerful strategies to regain your motivation. Once your motivation is fired up again, you’ll have renewed drive to complete your project!

Enjoy Today

Dr. Annette — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 22:55:33 +0000

What a grand day to be on Earth being human! If you sit and listen quietly, you can hear the beauty that is all around you – in the air, in the rain or sunshine, in the land itself. In this moment of stillness, you can also hear your divinity – the joy of who you really are.

Take a pause now and celebrate life and your being alive. What’s that you say? You’re feeling overwhelmed with stress and worry? You’re creativity is plugged up and your dreams are buried?

Not to worry. It’s easy to get your joyful energy flowing again by taking a moment to stop and breathe. Just fill your nostrils with an easy, slow, deep breath of sweet air. Let it flow deep into your belly and open up your lungs. Hold for a moment. Then slowly release through your mouth. Repeat until the stress begins to melt away and your head begins to clear. Feel yourself more peaceful and calm.

Breathing brings you back into the present moment. Once you’re in the here and now, it’s easy to connect with your heart, make new decisions about what is important to you, and decide to take action on activities and ideas that enlarge your joy.

Take time out every day to sit alone quietly and breathe, even if it’s only for one minute. It helps you to focus on how you’re feeling at the moment. If something is off, you can refocus your creative energy before the problem becomes too big.

When choices are made from the heart and when your creative energy is allowed to flow, that is when you feel the grand celebration of your life.

Five Empowering Questions To Create a Happy Day

Dr. Annette — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 15:37:03 +0000

Do you want more meaning in you life? More fullness, love, and spiritual connection? If so, then you already know that a life of happiness and meaning is more than just looking on the bright side. But knowing how or where to begin creating the kind of lifestyle that makes your heart sing can feel daunting.

One easy way to improve your ever day is by taking a deep breath and focusing on some simple questions. Instead of allowing the day happen to you, actively reflect on what is most important to you, and then choose a single action or activity that is in alignment with your core values and desires.Here are the five questions that can dramatically change the course of your day.

What is one thing that I really want to do today?
How can I best take care of myself today?
What is one action I can take today that will make me the kind of person I would like to be?
What meal can I prepare today that will bring out a deeper intimate, energy-filled connection with life and self?
What action or choice will make me feel proud of myself right now?

You deserve a happy life. Take a moment to reflect on what makes you tick, and then head out into the world and choose to put your best energy into the what matters most to you!